Windy Louise - 6/12-4/13

Our sweet little Windy Louise got bit (again) by a Rattlesnake last evening.  What a heart wrenching time to watch her labor through the pain.  We did all we could do for her short of taking her into an emergency vet clinic.  We called a hot-line and the doctor on call told us how to take care of her and make her comfortable.  So, we gave her Tylenol and Benadryl and waited.  She couldn't out wait the venom this time.  The snake was too big and she too little.  We are heart broken.  Skeeter, her best friend, is lost.

She came to us almost a year ago.  Running down the country road in front of our house.  She ran out of the cornfield.  No bigger than my hand.  Lyric jumped out of the car and ran to meet her.  She ran to Lyric like she belonged to us - and she did.  She jumped into Lyric's arms and into our hearts right away.  What a cutey.  We will miss her terribly.

I hate the feelings it brings up.  I hate holding my kids while they cry and grieve.  I hate the feeling of loss and sadness that will live with us now.  I know my kids will be fine - and I will too...it just brings up the pain again.  Re-opens the wounds of loss.  I want to shield them from it, to make sure it doesn't affect them...but I can't.  I can't keep them from what life brings us.  My prayer is that God will use this loss to make them stronger and build their confidence in their ability to love unconditionally.  The possibility is that they will choose not to love another pet...not to let themselves get too close.  I don't want that to translate (or transfer over) to people.  So, if you think about it, pray for our little family.  Pray for our hearts to heal quickly.

This is Sophia Alvarado. The best minds at Dell Children's in Austin, TX still don't know precisely what is causing her nerve and muscle atrophy. Our home group prayed with her parents Jonathan and Jennifer last night, as our whole church prayed in concert. As of this morning she was breathing on her own, but they still were not able to remove the breathing tube. Would you join us in praying for a progressive, sustaining miracle on her behalf?

Little Sophia was born on August 30, 2012. The same day my brother, Freddie, went to be with Jesus. He would have been thrilled at her arrival. He loved babies and little ones.

Back to Normal? What's that?

It's been 8 months since Freddie died.  I haven't been able to bring myself to write anything on my blog because I don't want his picture to move down the page.  I still miss him just as much - maybe more than ever.  As I write, I have a huge lump in my throat and my eyes seem a bit blurry.  I have no idea what to say.  God continues to give me strength daily, but it's just plain hard.  It's just plain icky to lose someone you loved so much.  I keep thinking I need to be over this, but I know from past experience that it doesn't happen that easily.  I'm not sure I'll ever "get over" losing him.  I haven't gotten over my Daddy's death and that was over 12 years ago.

I'm attending a Beth Moore Bible Study with some of the women from my church.  It's called "Living Beyond Yourself".  Last Monday night she talked about being still enough to allow the Lord the "bind up our wounds" - to heal the deep hurts within us.  It occurred to me that I really don't think I've been letting God do that.  For one thing, I'm really never "still".  I'm too busy for that.(read a LOT of sarcasm in this statement).  The other thing (and probably the most gripping) is that the wound is too fresh, too painful.  I don't want ANYthing to touch it, much less clean it out.  When I was a kid my mom used to cover us in Merthiolate.  If you're familiar with the deeply staining red liquid you know how badly it hurts when a cut is doused with it.  I don't want any part of that kind of pain.  Yet, I know...if God will truly use me...if God will do His work in me...this pain will be to His glory and praise.

So there it is.  No major revelations or big game changers.  Just the the way it is, today.  Tomorrow may be another story.

A special "thank you" to Donna.  She doesn't know me and I don't know her, but God used her to prompt this post.  She commented on my last post and it stirred my heart.  Thank you for listening to God and acting.