Back to Normal? What's that?

It's been 8 months since Freddie died.  I haven't been able to bring myself to write anything on my blog because I don't want his picture to move down the page.  I still miss him just as much - maybe more than ever.  As I write, I have a huge lump in my throat and my eyes seem a bit blurry.  I have no idea what to say.  God continues to give me strength daily, but it's just plain hard.  It's just plain icky to lose someone you loved so much.  I keep thinking I need to be over this, but I know from past experience that it doesn't happen that easily.  I'm not sure I'll ever "get over" losing him.  I haven't gotten over my Daddy's death and that was over 12 years ago.

I'm attending a Beth Moore Bible Study with some of the women from my church.  It's called "Living Beyond Yourself".  Last Monday night she talked about being still enough to allow the Lord the "bind up our wounds" - to heal the deep hurts within us.  It occurred to me that I really don't think I've been letting God do that.  For one thing, I'm really never "still".  I'm too busy for that.(read a LOT of sarcasm in this statement).  The other thing (and probably the most gripping) is that the wound is too fresh, too painful.  I don't want ANYthing to touch it, much less clean it out.  When I was a kid my mom used to cover us in Merthiolate.  If you're familiar with the deeply staining red liquid you know how badly it hurts when a cut is doused with it.  I don't want any part of that kind of pain.  Yet, I know...if God will truly use me...if God will do His work in me...this pain will be to His glory and praise.

So there it is.  No major revelations or big game changers.  Just the the way it is, today.  Tomorrow may be another story.

A special "thank you" to Donna.  She doesn't know me and I don't know her, but God used her to prompt this post.  She commented on my last post and it stirred my heart.  Thank you for listening to God and acting.

Freddie Lee Sturdivant, Jr. 1951-2012

I lost my big brother this week to Melanoma.  It doesn't matter how old you get, losing your big brother leaves a huge, gaping hole in your life.  I hate cancer.  It robs us of so many each year.  God, in His Sovereignty, holds our hearts during our grief.  I'm so thankful. Here is the beautiful obituary my sweet husband, Bram, wrote for Freddie.

Freddie Lee Sturdivant, Jr. of Kyle, TX passed peacefully from life to life at 12:25pm Thursday, August 30, 2012 in the presence of his family and close friends after a courageous battle against Melanoma Cancer.

Freddie was born on August 17, 1951 to Lee and Patsy Sturdivant in Buda, TX, the oldest of five children. He was preceded in death by his grandparents, Mr. and Mrs. J.D. Scott and Mr. and Mrs. Fred B. Sturdivant; his father, Freddie Lee Sturdivant, Sr. and his brother, Mark Scott Sturdivant. He is survived by his beloved wife, Norma Salinas Sturdivant of Kyle; his sons, Jared Scott Sturdivant, and wife Jessica of Dallas; Judson Blake Sturdivant of New York; daughter, Staci Salinas of Kyle and the two little lights of his life, granddaughters Leigh Josephine Sturdivant and Katherine Grace Sturdivant, both of Dallas. Freddie is also survived by his Mother, Patsy “Lou” Sturdivant; brother J.D. Sturdivant; sisters Cyndi Creghan and Sandi Floria and her husband Bram, all of Kyle; In-laws Mr. and Mrs. Antonio Martinez of Roma, TX, along with many aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and countless friends that loved him dearly.

Freddie was a member of the first graduating class of Hays High School, and an accomplished athlete in football, basketball and track. He lived his first passion – family – till the very end and his second – fishing – nearly as long. A civic-minded community volunteer and mentor to many, Freddie coached a generation of boys through Hays County Little League. He was instrumental in the Hays Baseball Youth Program and development of the Hays County Youth Sports Complex. With one hand in the smokebox, and the other stirring a pot of his famous beans, he was a fixture behind the pit at an untold number of BBQ fundraisers.

His hardworking and generous spirit earned him the family nickname “Mr. Fix-it” and it showed in his professional reputation. For 40 years he was a recognized expert in refrigeration, air conditioning, electrical contracting, construction and creative design, most recently as a facilities and presentation specialist for FreeBirds Restaurants.

Freddie professed his faith in Jesus Christ at an early age, and grew into a patient, wise and discerning counselor able and willing to encourage anyone who needed it. A father to many who needed one, his influence extends far beyond what can be printed here.

A Celebration of Life ceremony was held at Harrell Funeral Home, FM 2770 and Kohler's Crossing, Kyle TX, at 4pm, September 2, 2012. Rev. Buddy Johnson of Buda Baptist Church presiding.

In lieu of flowers or gifts, the family encourages memorial gifts toMelanoma Research Foundation athttp://www.melanoma.org/community/memorialsor send a check to Melanoma Research Foundation, P.O. Box 759329, Baltimore, MD 21275-9329. Make check payable to: Melanoma Research Foundation.

To Organize or To Not To...

I am not an organized person.  In fact, I am mostly an unorganized person.  I have friends that are amazing at this stuff...I applaud them.  My prayer for the new year is that I will make better choices in that area.  I have been looking at various "Get Organized" websites and am trying to pick and choose the things I know I would be able to do if I really put my mind to it.  It has to be do-able for me or I won't even try.  If there are too many "steps" in the process, I'll cave and just go play Mahjongg for two hours or sit and read my new Kindle Touch. (not a bad thing -- the reading part I mean).  I've tried "FlyLady" and she makes me crazy...too many reminders.  She was just a nagger. (insert sarcastic eye roll here).  I've tried lists, but I forget where I put them and then I'm out of luck.  Plus, they seem so legalistic (see where I'm going here?)  I've struggled with this for years.  I guess my biggest problem is I don't really want to be organized or to use charts and graphs.  Emilie Barnes, author of "Simply Organized", says those usually don't work anyway.  Yea, someone who finally gets me.  This week (while putting off cleaning and spending an ungodly amount of time on Pinterest) I found a pin for a website called "Organizing Made Fun".  I had to laugh at first, but then I decided to head over there and see what she had to say.  She talks about cheap ways to store things (I like cheap) and ways to make it fun for everyone.  I'm still skeptical about that one, but I am willing to try it. She also encourages to only clean for about 15-20 minutes a day AND focus on one room per day.  I think I can do that.  I'm gonna try.  Today, I'm going to start with my bedroom.  Fold all the laundry and put it away.  Clean off the dresser, dust and vacuum. So here are some before pix (I can't believe I'm posting these).  I'll post some after pix, when it's all cleaned up.

laundry to be folded and put away on the couch and bed.

laundry on the couch and clutter on the floor

more laundry to be folded on the chair and bins at the foot of the bed.

Clutter on the dresser

So...I guess this may be my New Years Resolution (something I said I wasn't going to do anymore).  To be more organized and keep my house cleaner.

Merry Christmas

From the Florias:
Bram, Sandi, Demi, Lyric, Cadence & Canon

I'm so behind...

Even in posting anything on my blog...it's still way behind.  The last post was of Lyric's Modern Day Princess Ceremony back in June.  So much has happened in our lives since then.  Just the normal, day to day stuff, but still a lot.  Canon turned 3 in August.  Wow!!  Bram got a second job teaching at Hill Country Christian School (where I used to teach 1st grade and where the kids went for so many years).  The girls are now taking a few classes there that we felt wouldn't be as easy to tackle at home.  I'm still not so sure how I feel about it, but I do know that God provided that opportunity for us.  Cade is still at home with Canon and me.  Volleyball season has come and gone and I feel like I've been in a whirlwind through all of that.  As much as I love volleyball (and most of you know how much I do), I'm glad we're done for the year.  Now it's time for all of us to really buckle down with school.

I guess the biggest event in the Floria family since I last posted is that Demi turned 16 in October.  That was a surreal thing for me.  As much as I thought I had prepared myself for that event, it still hit me like a brick.  She's still driving on her learners permit (we got started a bit late), but the "real thing" comes in December.

As always, I'm super proud of my kids and my husband...and...eternally grateful for The Father's Love for us.

Blessings,
Sandi

Princess Pictures

A Dance w/ her Daddy

A Daddy and his Princess

Nine Precious Young Ladies

Very proud Momma and Daddy

Beautiful Lyric

Lyric

The "real" Princess!

An Amazing 13 year old Princess!

Last Friday night we celebrated a beautiful group of young ladies.  They and their moms went through a 9 week study on Becoming a Modern Day Princess.  It was a game changer for all of us.  Friday night was the "crowning" moment.  Literally...  The girls were all dressed up in beautiful Princess attire and looked dazzling.  The Mom's and Dad's beamed with pride and God showed up.  It was beautiful (have I used that word too much)  Each Dad was able to speak a blessing over their daughters, and pray for them.  I cried the whole night.  Here is the blessing Bram spoke over his precious Princess.  (Stay tuned for pix!)

Lyric, our daughter.

Today we stand with you to give testimony to others of the great favor God showed to us. When He placed you in our hands the seed of joy was already planted in our hearts. It has grown and blossomed along with you. And my, how fast it is blossoming! What was once a small bundle with blinking, bright mahogany eyes and delicate fingers amazed us. What you are becoming continues to amaze us.

The day you were born, when you had none of your own, God's breath became your breath and our first prayer for you was answered. His claim on you began that moment. You are a treasure and we are the blessed ones. We have not stopped praying for you in the 13 years since.

For the past few weeks you have studied and shared in a circle of lovely girls and their beautiful mentors. You've dug deeply into the scriptures to understand better how God sees you, and how better to understand yourself. This is what your mother and I would like to add to these new discoveries:

Always remember that God is holy and He has chosen you. Psalm 93 says He clothes Himself in Majesty, Glory and Strength. In other words, this is His own personal style. He's a fashion trend setter. The great designer. And He does great work. He shines the light of His creativity on you. When God looks in the mirror, He sees… you. I want you to think about that. You are His reflection. So when you look in the mirror, you'll see the outward person, the body you are wearing. But you also are looking at your Great Designer. Look for Him there. See how He's shining in your eyes. Admire how your skin glows with His joy and excitement. Wonder at how His character continues to seep out every pore of your being as you continue to mature in wisdom, stature and favor among men. And continue to pursue an outward beauty that is a worthy decoration to this amazing inner beauty He is building in you, day by day. This, Lyric, is the meaning of 'Grace.' It's an elegance, beauty and modesty in your speech, your manner and how you carry yourself that says "I am a daughter of the King! And my King is amazing…"

When you see your Lord and King reflecting in the mirror along with you, there is no challenge you cannot face. There is no opportunity you will not joyfully pursue. There is no panic in the face of danger. Because what you see, is His perfect love for you. As 1 John 4:18 says, "perfect love casts out all fear." God intends to keep doing amazing things in and through you, and it starts with being well-dressed. With His strength; with His glory; with His majesty. Then you accessorize with your gentleness, humility, joy and gratitude.

Lyric, you are all these things and more. One blessing cannot suffice to cover all you have been to us and all you will be in the future. But for this moment, hear these words:

May the Lord continue to astound you with His grace and lovingkindness. May He clothe you in His righteousness, beauty and honor. May He shine brightly through you to the people you meet and influence in this world. May He make our joy complete by making this world a much better place through you. May He bless you with godly, wonderful friends, and may He guide you in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. (Ps. 23:3) And when the time is right, may those paths lead you to the man God has intended for you since the beginning of time so your joy may be complete.

Now to God who is able and willing to provide you with abundant grace, we ask that He would lavish these riches on you, above and beyond what even we - your parents - can imagine. May He use those riches to love the world through you. May you continue to grow in generosity, faith and kindness, which always add to beauty. (2 Corinthians 9:8)

We love you and are proud to be your parents.